


Saving Apocalyptica

by Vinushuka



Series: One year with Apocalyptica [4]
Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 18:39:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2358185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirsi and Anna see that Eicca's and Franky's loveaffair is a threat to Apocalyptica and decide to act. During the planning process they form a passionate and caring relatioship themselves. Kirsi's compassion is needed when Perttu de facto rejects Anna and crushes her dreams of common future. Mikko still hesitates to admit his feelings for Perttu, but he's getting there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back home

# Back home

      Apocalyptica’s return home wasn’t easy. They had done what they were supposed to do during the preproduction and in principle everything was fine. But something had been broken. The warm, sometimes even crazy atmosphere within the band was gone. I could sense the change immediately on Monday morning, when I set my foot in the studio, where they were rehearsing their new pieces.

      “Good morning Anna!” How’s your house search going?” Eicca asked from behind his cello. He looked his energetic self but he had dark shadows under his eyes. He probably had told Kirsi about Franky. For what I knew it wasn’t easy to convince Kirsi that their affair wasn’t going to hurt the band or their family.

      “We have a viewing tomorrow in Espoo. The house and the plot look very promising, but we’ll see. You never know about old houses”, I told him trying to ignore the sad and somehow angry feelings I had about all this. My enthusiasm for the house had faded when I saw how halfheartedly Perttu participated in the project. He had only a fraction of the energy he used to have and most of it was spent in writing music.

      I gave Eicca one of the coffee mugs I was carrying and walked over to Perttu. “How are you doing?” I asked him and tugged gently his ponytail. I hadn’t seen him since Sunday morning, when I left his apartment after a loving and passionate night together.

      “I’m fine”, he smiled at me although his smile didn’t actually reach his eyes. “I just completed a piece I started on our way to Helsinki. It’s called A Fallen Angel.” Tears filled my eyes when I heard the name he had selected for the new song. The Fallen Angel had meant joy and fulfillment to him and me, but now it obviously had turned into a song about heartbreak and rejection.

      “What is it?” he asked when he saw my teary eyes.

      “Nothing. I just thought how happy I was when we came up with that name”, I smiled and wiped away the tears. I wanted to change the subject to something less sensitive. “I’m calling today to the real estate agent to check that our schedule holds. Is tomorrow one o’clock still okay for you?”

      “Yeah, sure”, Perttu muttered and turned to fiddle with his headphones. I hurried out of the studio so that he couldn’t see me crying again. This wasn’t going to work.

\----

      “Wow, this place looks really great!” Perttu enthused standing in front of an old, two-storied wooden building with yellow walls and white window frames. The house was surrounded by a large, slightly Japanese style garden with two ponds and a brook. The back yard had a large terrace protected with a pergola. When we had inspected the house inside out, I was convinced that this was it. This was our place where we could live and work together.

      “What do you think?” I asked Perttu not wanting to push him even though I was bursting with enthusiasm.

      “I like this place and the feeling in here - something old, something modern. This would be a good place for us”, he concluded and pressed his lips on my forehead. So we decided to make an offer for the house and start the discussions about the financial arrangements needed.

      I was running high the rest of the day: My dream about a house and a garden with Perttu was coming true in spite of all misfortunes that had taken place lately. When Kirsi dropped by I just couldn’t hide my enthusiasm and told her about the house we had found. Instead of congratulating us she frowned and looked worried. “This thing with Franky and Eicca bothers me. I can see that Perttu is all messed up and depressed. He’s not himself at all. This is not the best time to make important decisions about your future.”

      “I know, but it may also help Perttu to get over the past; new house, new life, you know.”

       “The spirit of the band is suffering and that’s not a good thing. I think we should do something together to save Apocalyptica.”

      “Did you have something specific in mind?” I asked knowing that she would do just about anything to protect her family and Apocalyptica from harm.

      “No, not yet, but I’m sure we can figure out something if we think about it. Obviously you want to keep Perttu happy and he is not happy now.”

      I had to admit that she was right. I couldn’t make him happy alone. “Should we have a planning meeting sometime this week?” I asked. I knew that it would be the time for me to pay back what I owed her after my previous visit at her home last week. “You could come to my place for dinner. We can plan there without disturbances”, I proposed feeling already excitement grow in my body. She gazed me in the eye and smiled. Oh yes, she remembered what had happened. She had made love to me then and now it would be my turn.

      “That would be nice”, she mused. Would tomorrow be okay for you?” I had no plans with Perttu so we agreed to meet on Wednesday evening. “And please don’t be nervous. You did fine last time”, she whispered in my ear and touched my cheek lightly with her lips before she left. I stared absently at the door she had just closed behind her while memories of her and me in bed flashed through my mind.


	2. The dinner

# The dinner

      Kirsi had invited me to have dinner with her while Eicca was away in Nashville with the rest of the band. I wasn’t sure why she wanted to see me, but I had a hunch it had something to do with the hot kiss we had exchanged during our sauna evening. It had actually been my initiative so I felt obliged to meet the consequences whatever they were. To be honest I’d had this desire to make love with a woman at least once in my life already for a long time. I was sure I could handle it even though I had never done it before.

      Our evening started with a delicious dinner as she had promised. She had prepared baked white fish fillets with mushroom sauce and artichoke snow. The meal was complimented with dry, slightly fruity white wine from Alsace. During the dinner she kept asking me questions about my life, starting from my parents and childhood to my schooldays and studies at Helsinki. After the dessert we sat on the couch sipping wine and listening to music. She told about her youth from the time before she met Eicca. We laughed and came to the conclusion that our student days had been pretty much similar, full of parties, young men and hard work. When she had finished her drink, she stood up and held out her hand to me. “Please kiss me again”, she whispered her eyes full of longing.

      It had been easy for me to imagine how I would make love with a woman but the reality was different. When I stood there in front of Kirsi and was supposed to kiss her again, I just couldn’t. The only thing I knew was making love with a man. This person here with soft breast and vagina wasn’t in my league. I gazed at her waiting eyes and tried to decide if I really wanted to touch her or not. She saw my hesitation and reached out her hand to caress my face with her fingers. She let them slide from my temple to my chin and back again to my lips. When her fingertips traced my upper lip, it made me shiver and want more.

      She stepped closer and took my face into her hands. “Please, close your eyes and let me do it”, she asked and waited for me to do what she wanted.  I laid my hands on her waist and closed my eyes my heart beating at double speed.  She pressed her lips very gently on mine and kept them there waiting for my reaction. Her lips felt warm and soft, unlike any man I had kissed before. I couldn’t help responding to her kiss, first carefully and then passionately. In no time our mouths were devouring each other and her hands travelling on the bare skin of my back.

      “Can I take your shirt off?” she asked while her fingers started to open my buttons.

      “You seem to know what you want so why don’t you just do what you consider best”, I proposed and gave up my resistance.

      “I want to make love to you, nothing else”, she snickered and kissed gently my collarbone. I could feel her tongue gliding on my skin and then her teeth biting the side of my neck. Her mouth and hands were making me crazy.

      When she had unbuttoned my shirt, she let it drop on the floor and proceeded to remove my bra. I couldn’t help flinching when she cupped her hands on my breasts and started to rub the nipples gently with her fingers. Her touch sent shivers of pleasure all over my body and made me want to touch her the same way. I knew that if I crossed this border, there would be no turning back.

      “C’mon, what are you afraid of?” she asked and gazed me with her blue eyes.

      “I don’t know. Myself mostly, I think”, I replied and lowered my eyes.

      “I won’t bite you or maybe just a little when I find the right place”, she snickered. “Let’s go to bed. I will show you what to do.”

      She took my hand and led me to her bedroom. “Please take those jeans off”, she proposed and started to trip off her own clothes. I couldn’t help gaping at her body when she stood naked in front of me. She was so beautiful still, slender and small.

      “Do I look that awful?” she asked when I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

      “No, you’re absolutely gorgeous”, I whispered and blushed. She must think I was retarded.

      “Jump in”, she smiled and raised the corner of the duvet to let me crawl beside her. “Where were we before you started to be afraid of yourself? Was it kissing?” she asked and planted her soft lips on mine, only this time they felt more demanding and passionate. The warmth of her body under the duvet made me slowly relax and forget my fears. I folded my arm around her body and let my hand glide along her back to her lovely behind. This was unbelievable, she was so different from a he.

      “That feels so good”, she muttered against the corner of my mouth. “Can I kiss your body now, anywhere I want?” Her last remark about anywhere sent a surge of lust travelling through my body.

      “I guess so”, I whispered imagining her lips down there making me crazy. She crawled slightly down and buried her face in my breasts. I felt her lips on my nipples, sucking and biting them gently. I just had to moan of pleasure when she continued her kisses for what seemed like forever.

       I was dripping wet when she suddenly stopped, slid her hand down to my sex and pushed her finger inside me. “You’re so ready” she muttered to herself and crawled further down to kiss my navel and belly. She pushed me on my back, spread my legs apart so that she could kneel between them and continued her kisses on my hipbones.

      “Please, suck me”, I finally begged her when I couldn’t take it anymore.

      “I thought you’d never ask”, she murmured and inserted a thick pillow under my bottom to make things easier. “Please raise your legs”, she asked. When I had done that, she started to rub my clit with her fingers and after a while pushed them inside me. I gasped and waited for the touch of her mouth my eyes shut.

      When her tongue slid over my clit I almost died. It played around my sex and dived deep inside me. Finally she took my clit in her mouth and started to suck me. I lost the sense of space and time completely. All I could feel was her mouth making me insane. She was gentle and patient and let me enjoy her caresses until I just couldn’t take it anymore. My mind went blank when my body exploded into strong contractions against her mouth.

      “Thanks. That was unbelievable!” I whispered when I was again capable to speak. “No-one has ever made it feel so perfect and gentle.”

      “Maybe it’s because I know what you need?” she said and caressed my cheek with her fingers. She was right. She knew exactly what I wanted because she knew herself. Next time it would be my turn to give what she wanted. I had no doubt now that I couldn’t give it to her.


	3. The planning meeting

## The planning meeting

      I didn’t have much time to prepare a dinner because I had to work late on Wednesday to help the guys with their rehearsals. So I just cooked some fresh pasta and made carbonara sauce to go with it.  Together with Italian red wine and some salad that would do fine.

      Kirsi arrived punctually at half past six as we had agreed. She looked so radiant that I lost my self- confidence for a moment. We were both hungry as wolves so we concentrated first on our meal. We sat at the large dinner table I had in my living room enjoying the pasta and listening to the music of my favourite classical composer Bach.

      When we had almost finished our meal, I finally opened the discussion about Eicca and Franky. “I’ve been thinking about the plan. We should basically do two things here: we should prevent them from getting closer both mentally and physically and we should create some kind of distraction for either Eicca or Franky, you know, something better…”

      “Franky is coming here again next week. What can we do to prevent that?” Kirsi asked looking puzzled.

      “We can’t stop him from coming but we can stop him from making love to Eicca.”

      “How on earth can we do that? They are so horny at the moment that nothing can keep them apart”, Kirsi wondered.

     “You can. You will call Franky and warn him that you’ve got this sexually transmitted disease X and that Eicca probably has it too. You haven’t told him yet, but will soon. Ask him to keep his hands off from Eicca during his visit as the medication takes about a week to be effective.”

     “Holy shit! You’ve got one hell of an imagination.” Are you talking about chlamydia or herpes or what?”

     “Something like that. We have to check the details tomorrow in Wikipedia.”

     “Okay, what about the distraction?” Kirsi asked sounding excited.

     “First I think I should tell you something and please, don’t run away before I have finished.”

     Kirsi looked at me wide eyed and nodded then her consent. “Go ahead, shoot”

     “I can spirit travel, that is, exit my body and let my spirit go anywhere I want. I can also enter into other people, sort of take them over. I’ve had this gift for a long time but I have seldom used it. I don’t like to enter into other people’s bodies.” I finished my explanation and watched Kirsi’s expression that was varying between disbelief and horror. Running away wasn’t a very farfetched idea.

      “Shit, that sounds scary. You’re not kidding, aren’t you?” she stared at me trying to keep calm.

      “No, I’m not kidding. I can really do that and now I was planning to use my gift as a distraction.”

      “So you’d take over someone and use him or her to lure Franky away from Eicca?”

      “Exactly. I have this gorgeous, long haired guy in my Japanese class. He looks almost like Perttu. Maybe I could use him as a bait. But it’s not going to be easy. Eicca is a pretty hot guy and hard to beat when it comes to beauty and talent.”

      “He sure is. I doubt that nothing works right now. They are so head over heels in love”, Kirsi sighed. “But what about seducing Eicca? This guy could be an overly eager fan of his”, Kirsi proposed.

      “That might work better”, I realized and felt the pieces of the puzzle come together. I would seduce Eicca and then dump him to make him return to Perttu.

      “We should at least try to generate distrust between them. Loosing trust is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship.”

      “That sounds devious and I hate to do something like that, but I think we should try. We can’t let this go on for very much longer. Should we tell something to Paavo and Mikko? They would probably agree with us”, Kirsi proposed.

      “No, not yet. We’ll have to see if there’s a suitable moment for that. Mikko has done an excellent job in supporting Perttu, but I’m not sure he wants to bring Eicca back into the picture. He has his own agenda.”

      “What? Are you saying that Mikko has a thing going with Perttu?” Kirsi wondered.

      “I’ve seen him watch Perttu these last few days. He’s worried and suffers with Perttu. Maybe he doesn’t understand himself what is going on in his head but I think he’s falling in love with Perttu as we speak."

      Kirsi stood up and walked over to the large window facing south to my balcony and stared at the autumn coloured scenery where the light was fading fast. She rubbed her temples and sighed deep. “I hate this. Somebody’s going to get hurt no matter what we do.”

       I stepped behind her, folded my arms around her and sank my face into her curly red hair. “Maybe we should sleep over it. We’ve got some kind of plan now and we can refine it later”, I proposed, seeing that this was almost too much for Kirsi. When she turned around, she had tears in her eyes. I wiped them away, raised her chin with my fingers and kissed her lips lightly.

      “Yeah, I think this is enough for now. Let’s return to you and me”, she purred and squeezed her body against mine.

      I took her hand and led her to my bedroom. We stripped our clothes off and crawled into my warm waterbed. “This is wonderful”, Kirsi whispered as she folded her legs and arms around my body. This time I had no inhibitions. I absorbed myself into every detail of her body. We kissed until our lips were swollen and sore and folded our limbs around each other so that no-one could tear us apart. “Please make me come”, she finally pleaded between our kisses. This was it, my graduation test.

      I made her lie on the bed so that her bottom was at the edge of the bed and asked her to put her feet there too. I climbed out of the bed and kneeled on the carpet between her legs. “I feel embarrassed”, she complained but let me do what I wanted.

      “Don’t be. I just want to see what I’m doing without spraining my neck. Besides, you look delicious.” It was gorgeous to concentrate on her sex, sucking her clit and caressing all of her with my tongue. Kirsi wriggled and moaned and almost crushed my head with her thighs, but I just kept on going until her body exploded into a gorgeous orgasm against my mouth. I could feel her contractions when I pushed my fingers inside her. “You’re killing me”, she breathed and pushed her body against my fingers to sink them deeper.  

      When Kirsi had left home, I lay in bed for quite a while thinking about the plan we had put together. I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt Perttu. If I wanted to seduce Eicca away from Franky, I would have to be extremely discrete about it. I didn’t want Perttu to know about this new guy, who was almost his double. I wanted Eicca to realize that what he actually wanted and needed was Perttu.


	4. The house deal

## The house deal

      The hectic rehearsal period in the studio kept going on for the whole week. Perttu, Mikko and to some extent also Paavo seemed to form a team that was having fun and making jokes but Eicca was somehow left outside. He was uptight, sometimes even grumpy when leading the rehearsals. Maybe he was missing Franky. Anyways, his mood improved when the weekend was approaching. Franky would arrive on Saturday to adjust to the time difference before the tough working week.

      I spent Thursday and Friday honing our plans and finding out the details of sexually transmitted diseases in the internet. In the evenings I practised my spirit travelling, but for some reason I couldn’t find my beautiful class mate.  I’d have to find out where he lived to make sure I found him and recognized him in my spirit form. That could happen earliest on Monday, when Franky was already here. I’d better succeed in my intelligence operation on Monday.

       Kirsi started have cold feet about phoning to Franky. I had also my doubts about the disease part of our plan, so we decided to give up the whole thing. Kirsi promised to do her utmost to keep the guys from spending too much quality time together. I trusted in her skills to generate domestic emergencies when required.

      Friday was a lucky day for me and Perttu. The real estate agent called me to tell that our offer for the house had been accepted and wanted to set a date for the closure of the deal. I had difficulties in holding back my screams of joy, but I managed to keep cool and promised to call him back after I had discussed the schedule with Perttu. I rushed into the studio not caring what was going on in there. I almost knocked Eicca down at the studio door, when I hurried to hug Perttu. “Guess what, they accepted our offer for the house! We’ve got a deal!” I announced and grabbed the man in my arms. “We have to agree a time to close the deal sometime next week. I promised to call him back later today.”

      “Next week will be very busy, but I guess we can find a slot to do that”, Perttu replied but didn’t sound nearly as eager as I had expected. I doubted that Franky’s arrival was bothering him. Eicca had stood at the studio door listening to our exchange and hurried back to congratulate us. He hugged me and also Perttu, who flinched at his touch. “Congratulations for a new house. I hope you two will be happy there!” he said and sounded like he really meant it.

      Perttu had turned his back on us and clenched a paper in his hand like he was in pain. I touched his arm and forced him to look at me. He had tears in his eyes. “What is it?” I whispered and wiped his cheek.

      “Nothing. I just remembered something I shouldn’t have.”

      I folded my arms around him and cradled him to make him feel better. “Everything will be okay soon”, I promised to him although I knew my promise sounded hollow. I couldn’t tell him what I and Kirsi were planning.

      After discussing the schedule over with Eicca we agreed that Thursday would be a suitable day to close the deal. Eicca had planned the day mostly for Franky’s vocals and Perttu wasn’t needed in the studio. We had agreed that we would finance the house fifty fifty. I had already discussed about the house purchase with my bank although I wouldn’t need a loan for it in addition to my savings and the money I would get from selling my current apartment. I was more than ready to start a new life with Perttu, but I wasn’t so sure about him. I had this nagging feeling that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was.

      Eicca had arranged a boating trip to Paavo’s cottage in Turku archipelago on Saturday and Sunday. The purpose was to bond the band together before the intensive rehearsal period next week. So it was only for the boys. Perttu wasn’t eager to participate due to obvious reasons but he had to.

      Perttu and I hadn’t spent much time together during the week so he asked me to come over to his place on Friday night. I took my things with me so that I could spend the night with him. However the evening didn’t turn out the way I had expected.


	5. The end of a dream

## The end of a dream

      Perttu looked stunning when he opened the door for me. He had his hair free, golden earrings were glistening in his ears and a heavy golden pendant on his chest. “Hi. You look gorgeous. Are you going somewhere?” I breathed. I could hardly speak because something was strangling my throat.

      “Well, yes. That’s why I wanted to see you”, Perttu replied and let me in. “There’s something we need to talk about.” When I handed my coat to Perttu and put my bag on the floor, the strange strangler was tightening its grip on my throat and I started to feel dizzy.

      Perttu led me to his living room and sat beside me on the sofa. When I sat there staring at his shoes, I felt like I was being hit by a car. I knew the blow was coming but there was nothing I could do to prevent it. I was paralyzed.

      “Last spring during our European tour I became friends with this young musician in Avanti. I guess she was in a relationship at the time so nothing serious became out of it”, Perttu started his explanation. “She called me and wanted to see me just before our trip to Nashville. So we had a nice dinner together and she told me she was free now. I met her again last Wednesday and realized that I wanted to know her better. So we are meeting again today”, he concluded. “I’m sorry, but I can’t move in with you in this situation. It wouldn’t be fair for you.”

      “So the house deal is off”, I confirmed although it was obvious.

      “Yes, but I can refund you the down payment you made.”

      I tried to make my paralyzed brain work again. “No, you don’t have to. I will buy the house anyway, without you. ”

      I really felt that I was suffocating now. I just had to get out and get some fresh air. “I guess that’s it then”, I blurted and stood up to leave. “Have a nice evening! I can show myself out.”

      He didn’t come after me, when I stalked to the hall with stiff legs, grabbed my coat and escaped out of the door clutching to my bag.

     I have no idea how I got home, but I did. The reality caught me when I had closed the door behind me. I tossed my bag and my coat on the floor and rushed into the bathroom to throw up. The tears started coming when I was leaning on the toilet seat after emptying the contents of my stomach there. First I cried silently but after a while I was howling like a wounded animal. I climbed into the bathtub and sat there under the shower, hot water gushing on my head and back.

      This wasn’t the first time I had been dumped so one might assume I had some routine to handle that, but I didn’t. At least Perttu had the decency to tell me before we bought the house. The married guy I was dating some years back dumped me on the very same evening he was supposed to bring his things into the apartment we had hired together. I never forgave him that.

     But why did it always happen when you were at your happiest. I had expected this, but not so soon, not when I was completely unprepared. Okay, I had found my victim now, but I didn’t want to find her like this.

      My reflection in the bathroom mirror looked ghastly, when I finally had the strength to climb out of the bathtub to wash my teeth. Who was this old woman with swollen, red eyes and a face smeared with black mascara? I could fool others with my young appearance, but I couldn’t fool myself. I was fifty one and that was it. Perttu was thirty six and needed somebody closer to his own age. Maybe it was better this way. He would get what he wanted and me as a bonus although he didn’t know about it.

\----

      I woke up late next morning when my phone was ringing. It was Kirsi, who wanted to know how my evening with Perttu had gone and asked me to have sauna with her while the guys were on their boating trip.

      “Perttu dumped me yesterday”, I managed to say in between her eager prattle.

      “What? He can’t do that! Not now, when you’re buying the house and everything.”

      “Oh yes, he can and he’s not buying the house, I am”, I told her feeling the sorrow crushing me again. “Sorry, I can’t talk about this right now. This is killing me”, I sobbed and closed the phone.

      I was still lying in bed when my doorbell rang. I saw Kirsi standing behind the door when I checked the visitor through the peephole. I opened the door for her although I knew I looked awful. She grabbed me in her arms and I started to cry again now that I had someone to hold and comfort me.


	6. Life after death

## Life after death

      Kirsi prepared a breakfast for me; coffee, yoghurt and a sandwich, and forced me to eat although I complained I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t sure my stomach could hold any food yet. After taking a shower and putting on light makeup I looked more like a human being again.

     “Okay, that looks better”, Kirsi smiled and gave me a quick hug. “Now you just pack your things and we’ll go to my place. The weather is brilliant. We can go for a long walk and have sauna in the evening.” That sounded nice. I was too numb and helpless to resist her energetic fussing.

     “Are you still with me in our rescue operation?” Kirsi asked when we were sitting in her sauna enjoying the warmth. I needed that because I had been freezing the whole day. My body reacted to the shock in a way I had never seen before.

      “You know I love Perttu, no matter what, and want him to be happy. I don’t know if this new relationship is enough to do that.”

      “Are you saying that we should go on with our plan?”

      “Have you realized that it will be actually me who will seduce your husband from Franky? Are you ready to share your lovely husband with me for a while?”

     “Yeah, anything for Apocalyptica!” Kirsi laughed and slapped me on the back.

      “I will have to hurt him in the end. When I’m done with him, he’ll be ready to return to Perttu.”

      “I really hope this works”, she sighed and threw more water on the stove.

\----

      I couldn’t sleep at night although Kirsi had satisfied my physical needs and I was dead tired. I missed Perttu so much that I felt and tasted the pain.  I had never had a need to spy on Perttu in my spirit form but now I had to do it. I knew him and where he was so I figured out I could find him.

      I did, or actually I found Eicca and Franky first. They were making love, that is, Franky was fucking Eicca’s brain out. Franky was a sturdy and strong guy so the whole thing didn’t look very gentle. I hoped Eicca would survive but I didn’t want to watch more. I had to find Perttu. I wished he wasn’t sleeping in the neighbouring room as Eicca and Franky were pretty noisy. He would hate to hear his ex-lover moaning next door.

      Luckily the room was empty, but somebody was supposed to sleep in there. I guessed that it was Mikko’s room when I found him with Perttu. They were sitting in Perttu’s room planning some kind of joint performance again. Mikko seemed to be very eager to go ahead. I didn’t follow their discussion much, I just watched Perttu. His hair was free again and clean after sauna. He had his shirt on but it was unbuttoned. Jesus how I wanted to touch him.  

      Finally Mikko stood up to leave. He had a bunch of papers with him and of course dropped them on the floor. The papers spread all over the room, under the bed and chairs. They both were crawling on the floor giggling and making jokes when Perttu bumped his head on the corner of his bed. The edge must have been sharp as he got an ugly looking wound on his temple that started bleeding. Mikko rushed out to find a plaster and something to clean the wound while Perttu was using his shirt to stop the bleeding. When Mikko returned the bleeding had almost stopped. Mikko cleaned the wound and put a plaster on it. When he was done, he ruffled Perttu’s hair and kissed him on his forehead. Perttu grabbed Mikko’s face in his hands and kissed him properly. Mikko responded but broke then loose from Perttu’s hands. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”, he stammered and rushed out of the room with his papers, leaving Perttu with empty hands. Finally it was happening. Slowly but surely Mikko was getting ready to accept his feelings.

      I remained to watch Perttu go to sleep. He laid on his bed tossing and turning. I guessed he was thinking of Eicca. Finally he removed his pyjama bottoms and started to jerk himself off. When he was getting close to the top, he burst into tears. It wasn’t easy to be rejected second time in a row. I cried with him and returned to my body feeling sad and helpless. He had his pain and I had mine. Maybe I could help him to get over his, but I wasn’t sure my pain could ever be cured.


End file.
